The Prophet of My Youth

When I was a little girl and President Hinckley (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) was a member of the first presidency, he spoke at a regional conference in our area. I don't remember how old I was and I don't remember what he said. I remember I had brought the book "The Whipping Boy" with me to read. I suppose everyone agreed that I was too young to be interested in the meeting, which was generally true. But, when President Hinckley spoke, I remember listening and feeling that he had a genuine love for us.

When President Hinckley was called to be the president of the church, I was almost 11 years old. I remember being excited because I had been in the presence of a man who was now prophet. I don't remember anything about Pres. Kimball because he died when I was a baby. All I remember about Pres. Benson was that he was very sick, and I remember it was a treat if he was even able to attend general conference. And Pres. Hunter served as president for such a short time that I really don't remember much about him either. Almost 11 years old, I already felt a personal connection with President Hinckley, and it was also the perfect age to start really paying attention to the words of wise leaders.

It seemed like every subsequent conference, President Hinckley brought something new and exciting to the church: the Proclamation on the Family, the building of small temples, the rebuilding of the Nauvoo temple, the Perpetual education fund, etc. The years passed, and every conference, I eagerly listened to his wisdom and wit. We watched him stun news-men over and over again on 60-minutes, Larry King, and others. When I was 14-years old, my sister and I shared a special experience with our parents in which an inspired man of our stake gave us each individual advice and instruction. President Hinckley was always a man of cheer and optimism; I was admonished to follow his example in this respect.

I was the perfect age when the prophet spoke to the youth introducing the "six be's" (be grateful, smart, true, humble, etc.). At 16, I enthusiastically accepted his advice, and I remember how it felt to have the prophet speak directly to my age group. Especially important to me was when he told us all, girl and boy, to get the best and most education we could. That advice still comforts me today in the decisions I have had to make.

Around the same year, he spoke to the young women specifically. In his talk, he told us to take courage in the face of any young men who might ask us for more than we are willing to give. I felt protected and strengthened by his advice not under any circumstances to yield to someone who might try to take advantage of me. That very same night, I went on a date with a friend. It was a group date, but when the other couple left my house and my date didn't, I was suddenly alone with him in a dark kitchen. I knew my parents were on the other side of the house, but I still felt awkward, wondering why he hadn't left with the others. He was casually talking about nothing, but kept closing in on me. Eventually, I couldn't go any further back because there was a stove behind me. I was very close to panic as he started to lean in, when President Hinckley's words came to my mind. I heard my own voice say, "I think the door's that way," as my right hand motioned toward the kitchen door. The older boy in front of me, who had a girlfriend at the time and who I had up til then thought of as a friend, hovered for a moment before he turned toward the door and left with a sheepish farewell. Though a bit traumatized by the near-kiss, the experience further strengthened my testimony of President Hinckley as an inspired prophet and loving leader.

There were several opportunities for me as an undergrad to actually be in the presence of President Hinckley and hear him speak to our student-body. How can I describe what it is like to be in the presence of a man who speaks with God? An amazing spirit accompanies him that testifies to all willing to listen: this is a prophet of God! He was just a man, but even then he was a man living on borrowed time, a man who loved the world not just the members of this church. And we loved him so very dearly. I know it was the Lord's will that he pass when he did, but sometimes I feel like it was a tender mercy of the Lord to let us have Gordon B. Hinckley on the earth as long as he was.

The news of his death hit me very hard. He was the prophet of my youth, a man whose life and teachings I have long looked to as a model of happiness. For some time now, I have had a very hard time following the admonishment to live life like President Hinckley -- with optimism and a happy outlook. There seems to have been a cloud over me even on the brightest of days since some time during my college years. And yet, President Hinckley counseled that even when we feel like we are just enduring, we can and should still find joy. Upon hearing of his death, my heart sank, and I felt the dark cloud envelope me. That night as we prayed our thanks to the Lord for the life and service of such a man, I felt conflicting emotions of gratitude and intense sadness.

Before I went to sleep, I lay on my bed with tears flowing. I suppose I felt like asking how I could even try to be happy and positive without President Hinckley to continue to inspire me. I suppose I felt something like Luke Skywalker who didn't know how to trust the force without Obiwan there. I never realized how much President Hinckley's strength had meant in my life until he was gone. I started praying: "How can I be happy now? How can I ever be happy again, especially since I haven't felt very happy lately anyway? I used to be happy, didn't I? What made me happy, then?" Without knowing why or even realizing what I was saying, I found myself asking, "At least you love me, don't you, Heavenly Father? You love me, don't you?" An overwhelming feeling of warmth and peace overcame me, its swells dispelling the cloud that had been muddying my mind and heart. And I was truly happy, and I was amazed at the simplicity. I fell asleep happy.

There are still tears to be shed for President Hinckley; I still feel a certain sorrow at his loss. But, even in death, President Hinckley has given me a lasting gift: the will to live life to the fullest, the will to be happy again.

Thanks to the Lord for His humble and willing servant. And thank you, President Hinckley, for your enduring and undying optimism.